Relationships are a complicated form in life. They can compile so many emotions into one – happiness, distress, sadness and joy. I have had good and bad experiences, I have learnt many lessons. Friends have also gone through tough times during relationships, so below are some tips to help you.
A key part of relationships is trust, and you truly have to allow time for that. Now I don’t mean trust as in ‘you trust they won’t cheat on you’ although that can also take time. No, I am mainly talking about trusting that you won’t get hurt.
It’s difficult to not get hurt when you’ve fallen for someone. But at the beginning you need to keep half the book shut. What I mean by this is, don’t bare your soul to them too soon.
Don’t allow yourself to be completely besotted with them, you need to hold back slightly. You need to keep them intrigued, so don’t tell them every detail about your life too soon, don’t show all of your affection for them.
A danger of doing so could result in you caring more for them than they do you. And what’s worse is that it’s clear to both of you that that’s the case. It’s difficult to recover from this situation, as the other will always feel that they don’t quite feel the same way.
If you do fall quickly for someone it’s not a negative thing, it is a great thing! But what’s key is that you don’t show it, don’t show your full hand too early, you have to wait until the feeling is mutual.
Many of us get caught up in the old ‘I love you’ ‘I love you too’ and ‘you’re the best thing that ever happened to me’ comments.
Now don’t get me wrong telling someone you love them is a great thing, but you have to be truly sure that you mean it. If they say it to you, don’t blurt it out in response if you don’t feel the same, although it’s an awkward answer otherwise.
Another element to this, is that you don’t want to overplay those kind of comments, you don’t want to say them too much that it becomes a stuck record on repeat. You want them to feel special every time that you say it, not like they’ve heard it all before, then it becomes somewhat meaningless to both of you (trust me I know).
You need to feed these kind of comments gradually, and make those moments that bit more special.
If you’re one for romantic gestures, then great! You show your partner your caring side and effort to make them happy.
But one thing I have learnt is don’t through all your eggs into one basket too soon.
You don’t want to do these romantic efforts on too often an occasion. You need to spread them out, make them spontaneous as well as the usual birthdays and Christmas’.
And make them different, don’t do the same things all of the time, be creative and remember the smallest things can make the broadest smile.
You want to try and avoid arguments as much as possible. But having the occasional argument shows that you both care enough about the other to put the effort in to argue. If you don’t argue at all or at least bicker then you probably don’t care that much about one another in all honesty.
Some people say jealousy helps but making the other jealous whilst in a relationship often defuses the feeling of trust.
How do you know when it’s the right time to reveal your full deck?
This can be complicated, you don’t want to do it too soon otherwise you may scare them off. You don’t want to leave it too late as they may leave feeling that it will never happen.
Honestly, the best time to do it is when you feel it’s the right time, when you feel more in control of your emotions and yourself with that person.
You need to do this as a gradual phase. Tell them things that you’ve never told them before (not because you lied, but because you didn’t want to reveal yourself early doors). Tell them how much they mean to you (again gradually).
Unfortunately, relationships are really a big game to gain that trust. Some will try playing hard to get, some will play jealousy, it’s just the way it is. But really this should be done in the early stages of dating / seeing each other / early relationship.
The game you need to continue to play throughout is to keep things interesting through romance, days out, spending time with each other and in the bedroom (no one enjoys sex quite the same if it’s the same every time you do it. The same positions all the time is a no go), make things fun.
Throughout a relationship you need to remain independent. You can’t allow your entire life to revolve around the other, you don’t want to depend on them for every move you make.
You need to keep your wits about you, go out with friends and make an effort with them without your partner. Do things with family, enjoy work, and enjoy other aspects of your life whether it be sport or fashion etc.
Doing this will ultimately put you in a stronger position should the relationship come to fruition.
Alongside this, it will also show your partner that you don’t depend on them. If they feel you’re forever dependant on them, then it’s more than likely the feeling isn’t mutual and eventually they will throw in the towel.
This is the worst. If you cheat on your partner you should come clean about it, and if the relationship ends then so be it. If you continuesly cheat, why are you with them? You shouldn’t drag their heart through the mud when you clearly don’t care as much as you state you do.
I get that relationships have problems but when it comes to cheating, surely enough is enough and you have to call time on the relationship if you’re thinking about another.
If you’re cheated on, the strongest thing to do is to walk away. As hard as it may be, it’s the right thing to do. The trust between you both has completely broken down, how can it ever be truly regained?
If you have a strong suspicion of your partner cheating then confront them about the matter. If you still don’t trust them afterwards will you ever? Of course if it’s not that long into a relationship then the trust won’t likely be built yet, and it may well be your own insecurities.
Many of us carry doubts throughout relationships; ‘do they love me anymore?’ ‘Is he cheating on me’ etc. You need to prevent these thoughts as much as you can an relax. More often than not they wouldn’t be with you if they did feel any of these feelings.
You have to be confident with who you are, be the person that they fell for, not someone that stresses and worries 24/7 if their partner will leave them. This hands over the power to your partner, and when this happens you’re kind of on a bit of a slippery slope. Being insecure and showing it again illustrates that you are dependent on them.
When a relationship ends
This is a difficult time whether you’re essentially being the one dumped or the one doing the dumping.
If you’re doing the dumping you need to be strong enough in your decision that this is the right thing to do and you need to be brave enough to do the dumping before things get out of hand. You need to make sure that you’re totally happy with how your life is without that person there, because once they’re gone…
If you’re the one being dumped, then yes it will be a shock and of course it will be hard to adjust. But if you follow the points from above then it will come easier to you than you might expect.
If you have the right people around you (more often than not you do, even if you don’t think you do) then that does help. Discuss it with others if that helps to get your emotion off your chest, keep it all bottled up if that helps (although it barely doesn’t) go and get with other people if that brings you comfort (but don’t use someone as a rebound to get over an ex, that’s not fair on them no matter how much you think ‘they won’t be bothered it’s just a s***).
In time it will get easier, believe it it truly does even if you’re a hard Knut to crack! You have to just keep going and soon enough you won’t feel a thing, even if you’re in your darkest hour know that it will all work itself out in the end.
How to win them back
If your relationship does unfortunately come to an end, you’ve been dumped and you simply cannot live without them, there are a few things you can do to help win them back.
Firstly you want to make them regret their decision to end it. You need to make them miss you.
To do this you need to give them no attention at all, if they contact you don’t reply. You need to show them what they are missing, from having you all to themselves for so long to then having nothing from you will hurt.
Another phase of this is to post on social media (where they can see it) that you are having fun without them. Whether it be when your out with friends, family or even doing something that you love. Showing them that you’re okay without them will show how dependent you are as a person.
Another trick is to post pictures on social media of yourself with other girls/lads (not getting with them, that’s too much. Just a general ‘selfie’) to show them you’re still getting attention from someone else.
If you see them whilst out, ignore them. Don’t even acknowledge them, they will hate the fact that they cannot even speak to you anymore or even get a civil smile.
After all of this a few things may happen; you get them back, you actually enjoy yourself to your surprise and find it easier to move on or they don’t get back with you and it just pushes them further away. If the latter is the case, then this isn’t a problem. You will know that you have tried, and if they still don’t want you then it’s time to move on.
How to turn ‘seeing each other’ into a relationship.
If like me you hate the whole ‘seeing each other’ label. Then do something about it.
Of course in the early stages you will only be seeing each other or dating and you need to allow for a relationship to blossom in time.
But at the point in which you are ready to commit, you need to begin thinking about how to approach the topic.
If you feel the time is right, why shouldn’t the other? What you don’t want to do however is scare them off, you need to be clever in your delivery.
Slip it into conversation as a hint, use a line similar to ‘you’d have to put up with that a lot if we were in a relationship lol’ or joke about them being in a relationship with you ‘ when someone asks call them your boyfriend / girlfriend in front of them and then look at them and giggle.
These little hints will get them thinking about the situation and then maybe they will bring it up.
Other hints could include asking about their past lovers / relationship.
If a relationship is not what they are looking for, then you will know sooner rather than later which will avoid a tonne of hurt in the future.
You could also use the direct approach and be straight up and ask them if they want a relationship. That’s the brave go at it, again you will know sooner or later.
The key is asking them at the right time, but the right time is always when you feel most comfortable with them that you truly want a relationship. If we’re talking time frames I’d give it at least a month, perhaps two. Any longer and a relationship probably isn’t going to happen.
Another key element to the ‘seeing each other’ label is to set boundaries early on. You need to set it straight if you can both get with other people / do you tell each other if you do etc.
These boundaries are key to avoid anyone getting hurt. It may sound daft to speak about it with someone that you are seeing but trust me, it will help in the long run.
So there you have it, some tips on relationships from personal experiences and experiences of friends. I’m no guru but if you want some advice message me on my Facebook page: DT Reports or comment below, the comment will not be shown to the public.