Now most people carry the fear of rejection, it’s normal. But why do you feel it? Do you not feel good enough or confident enough?
Do you think that the person you want to chat to is superior to you?
There are many common cures for this. First of all, you need to realise that no matter how good looking someone is, or how wealthy they are. They are just a normal human being.
Don’t feel afraid to speak to them, or like you cannot speak to them as you are beneath them in anyway.
If they don’t acknowledge you, or don’t speak to you. Move onto the next person, you’re not actually losing anything, you have everything to gain.
And most people are not that rude, so they will engage in conversation with you.
So how do you start a conversation with someone you’ve never met?
Ice breakers are the key. And it’s the type of ice breaker that meets the eye. Don’t start with something like ‘hey, how are you’ or ‘my name is …’ Begin with something original. Below are some examples, I find conundrums work the best:
1. Hey, quick question, would you rather fight a duck sized horse or a horse sized duck? Answer: a duck sized horse.
2. If you were stranded on a deserted island, and you were allowed one item, what would it be? Answer: a boat / plane to get off the island.
3. How many apples grow on trees? Answer: all apples grow on trees.
Now you may see these as ‘cringey’ or stupid, but don’t knock them until you try them. I have found that questions such as these work far better than a simple ‘hey, how are you’ to begin conversation.
These questions are also quite good to work out someone’s intelligence (to a point), and some of their personality.
Once you have asked a question such as this or a few of them you can lead straight into a conversation.
Now make the conversation engaging.
1. Don’t talk all about yourself, seem interested and be interested in them. Only speak about yourself, when asked and don’t go into too much detail (you don’t want to give the game away too much). You want them to still be intrigued.
2. Don’t ask all of the standard questions ‘where are you from?’ ‘What do you do for a living?’ Etc. Slip conundrums into the conversation or random questions such as ‘If you could travel anywhere right now, where would it be’ or, ‘would you like to sky dive’ (it makes the conversation more enthralling for both, and it can release more of your personality to them).
3. Be bold and confident when giving your answers. Try not to be too confident as it can be a put off, but just enough to show you are assured in your answers.
If you have been chatting with this person for a while, be a bit cheeky and flirtatious.
You could ask them a simple question if it is going well:
1. Would you like to kiss me. Answer from them: YES (kiss them), MAYBE (kiss them), NO (say ‘I never said you could, you just looked like you had something on your mind’, this will get you out of any tricky situation).
You can also do this when getting someone’s phone number. Same principle, with the question: ‘would you like my number?’
If the person you take a shine to is within a group of friends. Go over and begin chatting with their friends, do not acknowledge them to begin with. Draw your attention away from that person for a few minutes. This will show you’re confident and happy to talk to anyone. This also deters away from the direct approach, which some people do not like.
Once you have exchanged some ‘banter’ and conversed with their friends. Then begin to direct your attention to that person, with the simple conversation techniques.
You can also play with their emotions with a back handed compliment, or sarcasm, before then bringing them back with an actual compliment. This will further deter from the direct approach. It will also keep that person engaged, so long as the back handed compliment isn’t too bad! Don’t play too much, as that is not fair, but use it a little to show that you are on the same level even if that person seems way out of your league.
So it’s going well, you want to take them out on a date. There is a clever way to make them feel in control when deciding a date:
1. Think of your budget and what you would like to do.
2. Give them two options to choose: go to the park and have a picnic. Both well within your budget.
3. If they say cinema for example. Say ok, would you like to go for drinks after and await their response.
4. Then give options of two days: Friday or Saturday? Await the answer.
5. Then ask a time option: 7pm or 8pm? Await answer.
6. Finally ask if they would like you to pick them up or for the two of you to share a taxi. Await answer and the date is sorted.
Throughout you were in control as you were aware of what days you could do, what your budget would allow and the time you will meet. But at the same time, they will feel in control as they get to choose which options they do. (Reverse psychology).
When out on the date, stick to the same method of conversation with conundrums, random off the chain questions, and personal questions about their life and interests. Remember, the key is to keep them intrigued so don’t get boring with sloppy conversation or reveal too much about yourself. Keep the book half closed at the beginning.
Dating, what to do?
You could always do the standard drinks, or a meal. But then again you’d be doing the same as everyone else. Why not try something new? Here are a few ideas:
2. Crazy golf
3. Go karting
4. Site seeing
5. Go out in a boat (pedalow)
6. A walk
7. Rock climbing (indoor)
These are simple ideas, that are different from the norm. This will also help with bonding. Never, and I repeat never go to the cinema on a first date, wait at least 3 dates. What do you expect to learn from them in a cinema?
Introduce a little magic.
I’m no magician, but I know how to do many simple slight of hand card tricks that are very easy to learn. Try YouTube, and type in ‘card tricks’ or, ‘slight of hand card tricks’ very easy, and done well they can amaze anybody.
But I like to do a thing called ‘mind reading’ to also get someone’s attention.
This is a simple trick to get someone’s phone number:
1. Tell them you are very good at guessing numbers, can I have a go at guessing yours?
2. They will mostly answer yes.
3. Begin by saying you will list the digits.
4. Now every number has ’07’ at the beginning. So you now only have to guess the other 9.
5. You write down random digits. So ‘0,7,5,3,8,4,9,2’ (some of those numbers may be in the phone number twice).
6. The likelihood is, is that you are not that far off.
7. They will either say ‘they’re the exact numbers’ (and then you are seemingly a genius) or, ‘close but not quite’. In this case they may well tell you what is wrong or what you are missing.
8. You then have to rearrange them into an order. So you start with ’07’ then just arrange the leftover numbers.
9. It’s not so difficult but chances are that you won’t be too far away. (I have actually got it right on two occasions, so give it a go and you may surprise yourself).
10. Finally, if you get it wrong tell them that it normally works, and that you must have miscalculated. Ask to see their number to see where you went wrong. And when they show you, you will then have their number.
11. Now some would fall for this trick and not even think about it. Others will, but they will be intrigued by your attempt to get their number that they will more than likely give it to you. This trick can’t go wrong.
Introducing some magic such as card tricks or ‘mind reading’ can really help with bonding and in gaining their interest.
Now where can you do all of this? Anywhere, that’s the answer. It could be on a dating app, in a bar, in a cafe, shop, anywhere. You just need to have the confidence of approaching someone. Obviously not all of this can be done over a message but most of it actually can. Whether you’re a female or a male, these can work.
But why not test yourself and try it whilst you’re out?
Alcohol brings out the confidence in people. So a little drink can ease your nerves but you do need to remain fairly sober in order to be good with engaging conversation. If you’re drunk enough to slur your words do not try this.
Also do not attempt this on someone that is drunk whilst you are sober, as that would be taking advantage.
Alcohol can help, but to really catch someone’s eye you need to show that your confidence isn’t just alcohol endorsed.
Don’t: Be over confident, wear too much make-up, pose too much or flex your ‘swans’. Wear clothes that are fairly revealing (it doesn’t leave much to the imagine) and reduces the interest of arousal.
There is a ‘hypnotic’ technique to increase someone’s arousal, but that would be telling.
Play the game, and the game will give back. Give these techniques a go and comment how you got on!
Check out more conundrums and more ice breakers soon!